I have a lot of little things I want to tell someone tonight. Kent's out of town and the computer becomes my friend while he's gone. I have so much on my mind. Nothing big, just randomness. I'm wondering how I will ever be able to get Maleah to go to bed good at night. No amount of threatening or bribing works for that girl. She comes out at least 5-10 times every night and usually doesn't finally go to sleep until 2+ hours after we put her to bed. I'm at a loss for what to do. I feel bad because every night it feels like she's been threatened, yelled at etc.... until she finally falls asleep. I don't like it. I'm sure it doesn't feel good to her either. I would love to be able to put her to bed nicely and have her go to sleep knowing I love her. But instead I'm sure she falls asleep every night thinking she's got the meanest parents ever, and that no one ever listens or cares about her. 8:00 is my shutdown time. I don't want to be a Mom anymore. I want my kids in bed. I need my nights to relax and hang out with Kent. Selfish I know. Bedtime used to be so smooth for us, but it seems like the older Maleah gets the worse it's getting. The other 2 go down just fine, but Maleah's bedtime lingers every night into 10:00 or later because she just won't go to sleep. I don't care if she reads for 2 hours in her bed, I just want her to stay in bed. It's so frustrating. Then I go to bed feeling bad because I haven't been loving and kind like I want to be, and I always go to bed with a new resolve to do better tomorrow, then she wakes up at the crack of dawn and it just starts all over again. Before long I'm getting after her again and again for one thing or another. I want to enjoy my daughter, I just don't know how. I'm wondering if 8:00 is too early, if my expectations are too high. She has my permission to stay up in her bed and read. It's also about obedience, how come she cannot be obedient and stay in bed to save her life. Tonight she lost a hard earned $3.50 because she came out so much. Sometimes I bribe her with money, sometimes I take away money or privileges, sometimes I yell and get really mad, sometimes I squeeze her arm in frustration, sometimes I give her jobs for the next morning, sometimes I lock her in her room that doesn't go well though so I can't really do that anymore because she wakes up the whole house and neighborhood, and now she keeps toothpicks in her room to get herself out. Most of the time I just send her back to bed after lot's of arguing and but Moms. She's too big to fight with anymore, I just need her to be obedient, but she won't. It's miserable for all of us. I'm out of ideas. I've tried the mean road and the nice road. Over and Over again. Am I asking too much? Oh ya, and we've tried benadryl . Don't call DCFS. Her counselor told us to try it. It doesn't work.
On a lighter note, this morning on our way home from taking Maleah to school, I pointed out to Aubree and Kendra that we had deer tracks in our yard. Aubree piped in and said "I know Mom, I saw them, I got to pet them. I even got to ride on one". She was dead serious.
We got Just Dance 2, the wii game in the mail today. Maleah and Aubree wanted to spend some of their Christmas money they got and buy that game. It's a dream come true for me. It lets me get my groove on with no hesitations, cause I want a good score. It's awesome exercise. I need to ask my Dr. if it's ok to do. He specifically told me no Rock Climbing, Kick Boxing, to Drive really carefully, and not do anything too strenuous, to try my best to keep my blood from mixing with baby's blood. The more I think about, I probably shouldn't do Just Dance 2. I don't know. I'll ask my Dr. next time I go in. I'll just tone my dancing down until then :)
Being a Mom is so hard. I have so little energy, especially in the evenings. I want the very best for my kids, I really do. Why is it so hard to find 15 minutes every day to read with Aubree, and to muster up the energy to read scriptures every night both with my kids and my personal study. I feel like there is no time, and when there is time there is no energy. Each day I resolve to do better, and each day I feel like I came up short on the Mom end. I think bedtime with Maleah makes me feel like a failure every night. I hope my kids know I love them and I really do want the best for them.
OK It's late, I'm emotional. Late and emotional go hand in hand for me. It was nice to get some things off my chest. Goodnight!
7 comments:
Oh Shell-
I have been thinking about you all day today!!! I wish I lived there. We could lay on the couch and pretend we didn't have any cares in the world.
First of all- you are not a failure! you are a fabulous mom. Never ever say that out loud again... or else ;-)
I wish I had a cure all for you! I'm sure you've tried these, but I have some suggestions- purely for your entertainment... ok here goes:
- so I created a list and then had to delete it because I don't want people thinking I'm crazy!
If it were me I would probably just stick a TV in her room and let her fall asleep to movies every night then wake her up crazy early so she is exhausted come 8:00. Again, you've probably tried this- but I am at a loss. Maybe I'll email you my "real" suggestions ;-)
This is so hard! The good news is she will probably be a fabulous teenager right? Then you'll be so glad you made it through all of her "difficult" years.
Love you!
We make Tommy pay us a quarter everytime he comes out. He's been much better.
Maybe Maleah just wants some extra one on one time with her mom - she's already getting it no matter how you react. Maybe put the others down at 8 and then have some sweet time with just her, you, and Kent. It could even be just 15 minutes - YOU decide what you do with that time. She will feel older and more mature since the other girls don't get too and she will also get that time in a harmonious way.
I totally understand wanting to shut down at bedtime - it's so nice! Good luck!
I love you girl! You rock! We will all get through this...we just have to stick together. (Ya know, us Mom's)
I've gone to bed feeling that exact same way, many times. It's so hard going to bed feeling so guilty. But, truthfully, I'm really happy I'm not the only one that has done the arm squeeze:-)
I know the feeling of being out of options. It's so hard...all we're trying to do is NOT mess up our children, while still keep a little bit of sanity for ourselves.
You are a great mom, moms are always way too hard on themselves (me included).
When my kids had a hard time staying in bed, locking them in their room was what worked the best. Maybe move Aubree out for a week while you do it and get some of those earphones that make it so you don't hear anything...
I also like Amber's idea. Maybe she does need some one on one and knows she can get that if she comes out of her bed at night.
I also love the book childwise. They have one for every stage and I have found it super helpful and insightful.
Being a Mom is HARD. At night more often that not I feel like a mean Mom more than a nice Mom. I need at least a 12 hour break or else I go crazy. Plus your pregnant so that makes it even harder. Call me anytime!
Oh and I think getting your groove on without hesitation would most definitely be against doctors orders!! Especially if he told you to drive carefully!!
Oh man! The stress!
I do understand feeling bad many nights. I too am a beast after 8pm. I get so mean if the kids keep coming out. In Healthy Sleep-Habits happy child he says kids who keep getting up might be over-tired...who knows....just thought I'd throw that out there. Anyway, on this end I think you are awesome. We are all trying so hard and all of us feel we fall short sometimes.
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